Dishonesty in Relationships
When you learn to understand yourself deeply and discover how to meet your emotional needs, it will be easier for you to choose a healthy relationship with a compatible partner.
What happens to our own sense of self when we are in a dishonest relationship?
Betrayal and shame go hand in hand. One of the most damaging wounds that arises in relationships is the dynamic of betrayal.
After hearing thousands of betrayal stories, from my experience, the most damaging aspect is the lying. When we learn that our partner has lied to us about something we start to question reality, and we start looking for more lies. These creates a state of contraction, loss of identity and lose of the anchor in the relationship.
Separation is suddently created. They might pull away from you. They might seem absent and/or distracted. They have created another life outside of the one with you. Their behiveours might change to being extra nice or the opposite, they seem more irritated, they might reject you and put you down. Lack of deep communication. Your intuiton is telling you that something is wrong. There’s an overwhelming feeling that something is wrong, that something is missing .
Time is needed to grief what it was and come to terms with what is left.
The pain of being betrayed is not one that heals quickly.
Shame finds refuge in the lie. The lie is what feeds betrayal. Shame judges a part of us as being “wrong” “bad” and that must be hidden at all cost. The cost is that we are afraid to be fully seen, therefore we hide and lie. To be fully seen it’s perceived as dangerous, because shames believes that if someone saw it , it would never be loved and accepted. This is when usually the act of been found out in the betrayal can be liberating. No more hiding. All the “bad” “wrong” its now out in the open. This could be a moment of Profound healing and finally coming into wholeness.
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